Wednesday, February 6, 2013

One week later...

As a little girl you think your father is the strongest man in the world. As you get a little older you think your father is the smartest man in the world. And moving into your adult life, you realize that your father is very strong and is very smart and is very wise but you also begin to see him for who he really is... You begin to see him as a friend. When he becomes a friend that's when the whole world changes. You have someone in your life that has not only known you since the day you were born but generally understands everything about you. He understands what makes you tick, makes you laugh, what makes you cry and why you even make the decisions that you do. Whether you want to admit it or not he probably knows you better than anyone else in the world. Except for maybe your own mother. If I were to be really honest, my father was probably the closest thing to me- in other words, we were a lot alike. I remember never wanting to admit the things that I would do that would be considered "just like my father." But the not wanting to admit they were "just like my father" is an exact trade of his, stubborn! 
Losing a father is like losing a piece of yourself, there's no way to replace it. My father always told us to just do the next right thing. When he's not here to remind me that, it's difficult to know what to do. He was a source of support and encouragement and I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I don't have his voice guiding me, telling me what the next right thing is... I have realized what a source of security he was in my life. Now that he's not there I find myself frantic on who I'm going to go to when I need advice or who is going to tell me how to live my life... or who is going to bail me out of the next speeding ticket?? My father had become my friend and I would get excited to see him. I would be excited to go visit him or to see him walk through my front door. I was excited for him to teach Tennyson to play basketball or baseball or any other sport for that matter. He was the sports guy. He was going to be so many things in my life, still. He was going to be so many things for Tennyson's life, still. I hate knowing that my son will never have his grandfather again... and that he will never get the wisdom & strength & the security & the friendship that I have had with that man. How will words even come close to doing justice to the father that I've had when I try to tell stories to my son? There are not enough words in the English language to express how great a man he was...

1 comment:

  1. Sweet words Court. Your Dad was so proud of you and I know you will continue to live out his legacy in all you do. Praying for you and mourning with you. Love you lots.